“You know why I’m attracted to you?
It’s the way you walk, unassumingly, I can see the
curve of the small of your back
your shoulders relaxing
your mind wandering
imagining
thinking
you inhale-exhale that cigarette
but your brain is in the clouds.
I love your long legs and boyish shoulders
small teardrop breasts
that strange bump on your lower left rib
and that bemused smile as you wonder
why are you looking at me”

Really, I reply, I used to want to be invisible.
I would weave through the crowds with precision.
I was a needle embroidering a transparent thread.
More than anything I wanted to disappear.
I have swallowed the fruits of my mother.
And her mothers.
I have decided that when I see my reflection.
I will not recoil.
I will smile.
At that beautiful girl. Even when I forget.

“You forget, I can see that, you forget what you do to me.
to people; you leave an imprint the shape of your hand on their hearts
like a tattoo, and they wear it, proud of you,
yet your mind is elsewhere, you rarely notice yourself,
the fact that that that that
that thread you weave is glowing
with your heart’s warmth
your love overeverflowing”

I am a flawed creature. I have gained some confidence.
But at my best I am a narcissist.
I make up for it.
By being loving.
That’s what a narcissist does best.
I can love.
Icanlove.
I will love.

“What do you love about me?”

Ilovethatyoureyesseemtoshineevenwhentheyaretired.
Ilovethatyoursmilecomesinmultitudes.
Ilovethatyouhidefromclearskiesandrelishundertheclouds.
Ilovethatyourmindisburiedindaydreamsandprocrastinations.
Ilovethatyouwillspenddaysaloneinsolitude
Ilovethatyouhidefromlovenow
Ilovethatyoucanonlyloveme
Iloveyouenoughandalwaysindeficietandexcess

I love the way you walk, with your head in the clouds and your mouth exhaling smoke
A fire brews in your belly.

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