You know why I

You know why I

“You know why I’m attracted to you?
It’s the way you walk, unassumingly, I can see the
curve of the small of your back
your shoulders relaxing
your mind wandering
you inhale-exhale that cigarette
but your brain is in the clouds.
I love your long legs and boyish shoulders
small teardrop breasts
that strange bump on your lower left rib
and that bemused smile as you wonder
why are you looking at me”

Really, I reply, I used to want to be invisible.
I would weave through the crowds with precision.
I was a needle embroidering a transparent thread.
More than anything I wanted to disappear.
I have swallowed the fruits of my mother.
And her mothers.
I have decided that when I see my reflection.
I will not recoil.
I will smile.
At that beautiful girl. Even when I forget.

“You forget, I can see that, you forget what you do to me.
to people; you leave an imprint the shape of your hand on their hearts
like a tattoo, and they wear it, proud of you,
yet your mind is elsewhere, you rarely notice yourself,
the fact that that that that
that thread you weave is glowing
with your heart’s warmth
your love overeverflowing”

I am a flawed creature. I have gained some confidence.
But at my best I am a narcissist.
I make up for it.
By being loving.
That’s what a narcissist does best.
I can love.
I will love.

“What do you love about me?”


I love the way you walk, with your head in the clouds and your mouth exhaling smoke
A fire brews in your belly.


Adventures of Fuku-Mimi: Sendai My Love

Adventures of Fuku-Mimi: Sendai My Love

You might be thinking, why the bad pun, Sam? Because I am British and we are a punny people. Part 2 of my Winter/Spring travels.


That was Hokkaido, this is now. Well not now, but a week afterwards. You saw the boat journey, we took it from coast to coast. Reaching Sendai in the morning and catching a bus to the city centre. I’m not sure why we chose Sendai as our next stop, but we did and we went, it was cold but there was less snow. Regarding the city’s planning, it seemed more familiar than Sapporo: giant department stores, walk through shopping arcades and overpasses that looked down onto busy roads, confusing streets you’d get lost in – like a real city.

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Adventures of Fuku-Mimi: Sapporo and Sadness

Adventures of Fuku-Mimi: Sapporo and Sadness

So it’s been a long time. I really tried you know, to do this blogging thing, I’m still going to give it a go because for some masochistic reason I want to be a writer or something along those lines. People tell me they read this and say that I’m good but I don’t trust people, and it’s only very British of me to be self-deprecating and bitter.

After an intense 12 weeks of studying, with no breaks or national holidays followed, my college let us free for Christmas and also gave us a ridiculous Winter/Spring holiday of three months. I went back to the UK all of January and returned the beginning of February.

My honeymoon love of Japan seemed to die as soon as I landed. Unlike my flight to the UK, I didn’t bond with a sweet old Japanese lady sat next to me. I just struggled to sleep. Moreover the mini-tv sets weren’t working so we couldn’t choose what to watch. All you could do was flick through the channels hoping that you caught a film at the beginning. I thought I was timeskipped back to 2001. I really like flying though, it’s grown on me, especially when you catch a gorgeous sunrise.


I love clouds most of the time so the experience of looking down onto different formations makes the cramped conditions bearable. But really that’s a whole article on its own.

When I landed early in the morning, the next bus to Yamanashi wasn’t until 1:30pm, I didn’t want to kill time in a bland airport so I bought a ticket to Tokyo. Tokyo station. What I really should have said was Shinjuku. Trying to work out how to get from Tokyo station with a couple bulky bags, I ended up relying on a kind woman who helped my buy an extortionate express train ticket to where I needed to go.

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s e c r e t s

s e c r e t s

Last term I did a music technology class. Our class had to make an audio-visual piece for our final project, at least combining our individual pieces or collaborating to some degree. I worked with my classmate Max on the visual side of things. It’s all about secrets. Just by the way. In case you missed it.